Journal Entry: Sat Jan 11, 2014, 2:56 PM
2013 I give you 70/100
2013.. Summing it all up it was a rather shitty year for me. To be really honest, I cant remember much about how shitty but gosh can I tell you how I felt this past year. Not all is lost my friends… there were some good points to it too. (just sadly the bad is more than the good)
On the home front; I moved 2 times this year. From Danforth apt to Canterbury apt. when we found out there were bed bugs in the apt (my bedroom was there home) we then moved into a house with an acquaintance and then drama stemmed from that and I went from panic attacks and sleepless nights from bugs crawling over my body to wondering if I’m gonna have a home to come too… still not ok in that department but I’m picking my battles and I’m gonna make 2014 better.
On the body front/mental front; 2013 was a huge up and down for me. I lost weight and then gained it back and lost some and more came back. Im still down from my heaviest but my weight do to stress n such went up and down. 180 to 200 to 230 to 205 to 215 (then give or take a few pounds) this in addition to acne, hair loss, random cuts and bruises from work scaring up my body I haven’t had much self confidence…
which screwed with my mind. The stress from working, the weight issues, the depression from those just turned me into a mess. I hated myself, I hated others, I hated everything… which made me sad then the sadness made me eat/not eat then that played into the weight loss/gain… and well… you see the circle it made…
On the job front; work sucks. I had such hope for BBB but its just proven to me that I need something else. And yes, I know it wasn’t something to desire but I thought I was good at something, and that they would want me because I was but watching others get promotions and more things than me just.. well.. pisses me off. And not to say that I don’t like these people, but just watching them get what I’ve been trying to get for 5 years is really aggravating.
I then was forced to get another job… this one I really love. The people are great and it helps when they tell me things like I do a good job or you know.. the things that most employees what to hear when they do good. The dilemma is, BBB pays more and I tend to get more hours there, and BBW (the job I like) cant give me all the hours I need and they pay less.
On the love front;
On the friends/family front; family is good. Had a few health issues but those were cleared and/or being worked on.
Friend front was a 50/50. I had some people leave my life with no reason. No goodbye or these are the reasons I don’t want to be friends with you. Just, they left. Which plays into my depression-symptoms… like, what did I do to them to make them just leave? Then I had friends distance themselves because of the people who left. Which also sucks….
BUT I did have some good friends come into my life. I had people ask me to be part of something that i’m still new at and they are willing to put up with me being a n00b. they have been a source of happy in that depressing time, and even when I didn’t show it, I really appreciated there support (and my other friends too)
I won an award with my cosplay work and gosh that boosted my confidence in the things I do. It wasn’t anything big but getting that little pat on the ass really lit a fire. I’m more inspired to do work. Not so much at the moment but I really want to get going on new things~
2013, I give you a 70/100.
My hopes for 2014? A better job(s) Work my health and body. Not worry about love, if it happens it happens. Sit down and work on cosplay with my EastBlue family. Spend more time with family no matter how much my mom drives me crazy (I do love her though) Find a better home where it feels like a home. Mostly get my mess of a life on track really. Its not gonna be easy but I’m tired of being a loser… I want to win.
I hope the friends that have stuck with me this year continue to do so. i have so much to offer and most haven’t seen me at my best. once i get my footing I will be much better. the old Kara is still under here, shes just a bit sad and defeated and needs a bit to recover, but with a kinda fresh start in 2014 she’ll be back full force! (still just a pale as ever!)